The real tragedy: Now everyone's calling it junk
C'mon, there's got to be a better name for it
Published in the Colorado Daily, 11/28/10
No complaints about being male in general. We have it pretty easy in lots of ways and get to skip entirely the whole menstrual cycle and pregnancy thing.
But over the past few decades, we've been taking some heat for all that testosterone we have to wade through every day. Not that we don't deserve it, since things can sometimes get pretty horrid when testosterone takes over.
The line, "It's not our fault, it's just who we are" doesn't seem to work so well anymore since we all now know right where all that trouble comes from, and that particular part of male physiology has become the target of lots of scrutiny, condemnation and humor in recent years.
Fine. We deserve it.
But I never thought it would be a guy who finally relegated that particular part of the male anatomy to the junk heap.
Certainly, there are many women around the world who have every right to call it that, and I would never begrudge them for doing so.
But I can't figure out how some guy found it in himself to call his package "junk" in front of a video camera and then turn it into a YouTube sensation. Actually, forget "YouTube sensation," since protecting our "junk" has now become a rallying cry for freedom and liberty, right up there with "save the whales" and "I am not a crook."
I gotta believe that this guy and his junk weren't thinking they were going to so thoroughly rename Our Favorite Place in the Whole Wide World to be the same as the stuff that we take out with the trash every week -- but that's what happened.
And think about this -- the reason this guy's junk was getting groped in the first place was because he didn't want to go through a full body scan, where other guys might take a look at his junk.
Who does he think he's kidding?
We all know that guys could care less about whether other guys look at our junk. They invented locker rooms just so we can parade around naked and show everybody how much we don't care about showing our junk in public.
Nude beaches are always full of lots more naked guys than naked girls (much to our disappointment, but that's another story). Guys don't care about people seeing our junk, so this guy was just asking for trouble from the beginning.
OK, I admit that it was funny for a while, but now I think it's time to stop. Let's get it off the junk heap and put it back in its rightful place in the English language.
I'm still not sure exactly what the right word is, but, I will certainly be leaning more towards "nobility" than "garbage." And when I decide what that word is, I'll make sure to get TSA to help me with the advertising.
Ron Laughery is a former scientist and business owner in Boulder who now has lots of time to let things get to him.
No complaints about being male in general. We have it pretty easy in lots of ways and get to skip entirely the whole menstrual cycle and pregnancy thing.
But over the past few decades, we've been taking some heat for all that testosterone we have to wade through every day. Not that we don't deserve it, since things can sometimes get pretty horrid when testosterone takes over.
The line, "It's not our fault, it's just who we are" doesn't seem to work so well anymore since we all now know right where all that trouble comes from, and that particular part of male physiology has become the target of lots of scrutiny, condemnation and humor in recent years.
Fine. We deserve it.
But I never thought it would be a guy who finally relegated that particular part of the male anatomy to the junk heap.
Certainly, there are many women around the world who have every right to call it that, and I would never begrudge them for doing so.
But I can't figure out how some guy found it in himself to call his package "junk" in front of a video camera and then turn it into a YouTube sensation. Actually, forget "YouTube sensation," since protecting our "junk" has now become a rallying cry for freedom and liberty, right up there with "save the whales" and "I am not a crook."
I gotta believe that this guy and his junk weren't thinking they were going to so thoroughly rename Our Favorite Place in the Whole Wide World to be the same as the stuff that we take out with the trash every week -- but that's what happened.
And think about this -- the reason this guy's junk was getting groped in the first place was because he didn't want to go through a full body scan, where other guys might take a look at his junk.
Who does he think he's kidding?
We all know that guys could care less about whether other guys look at our junk. They invented locker rooms just so we can parade around naked and show everybody how much we don't care about showing our junk in public.
Nude beaches are always full of lots more naked guys than naked girls (much to our disappointment, but that's another story). Guys don't care about people seeing our junk, so this guy was just asking for trouble from the beginning.
OK, I admit that it was funny for a while, but now I think it's time to stop. Let's get it off the junk heap and put it back in its rightful place in the English language.
I'm still not sure exactly what the right word is, but, I will certainly be leaning more towards "nobility" than "garbage." And when I decide what that word is, I'll make sure to get TSA to help me with the advertising.
Ron Laughery is a former scientist and business owner in Boulder who now has lots of time to let things get to him.
