C'mon millennials, or you'll miss the best part
Published in the Boulder Daily Camera, 12/24/18
Throughout life, we face many big decisions. Whether it's what sports to play, our major in college, or who, if anyone, we want as a life partner, decision points keep coming at us.
Maybe the biggest choice of all, though, is whether to have kids. A hundred years ago, that decision was a lot easier since it was conflated with the question, "do you want to have sex?" Biological drives being what they are, that question was never hard to answer, and fertile couples pretty much always had kids. But, the invention of the pill 58 years ago finally broke that rule, allowing couples to enjoy the most extraordinary physical pleasures our bodies have to offer without having to simultaneously sign up for the responsibilities of childbearing.
And the world hasn't been the same since.
Maybe the most surprising change has been the relationship between wealth and childbearing. Until the pill gave women control of their bodies, wealthy societies had more children and poorer societies less. Today, that relationship has been turned upside down, where the affluent are less likely to have children at all and have fewer children if they do.
Consistent with these new rules for humankind, reports were circulating a few weeks ago about reduced childbirth rates in America and Colorado. This prompted several editorials in this paper that leaned rather heavily toward the positions that, in today's world, having kids is expensive, bad for the environment, and generally a pain in the butt that changes your lifestyle in ways you can't even imagine. As the father of two and grandfather of five, I can assure you that these propositions are, quite simply, true. As I've told many prospective parents, when your first child is born, one curtain drops on the life you once had and another curtain rises on the life that lies ahead.
But, you get what you pay for in life, and having children is no exception. I'll spare you all the fawning and dreamy-eyed pleadings about how great having kids is — I'm sure you've heard plenty of those stories whether you wanted them or not. I'm not saying all that stuff isn't true — it is. Raising kids is the ultimate adventure game. You start out with this squirmy little thing and your goal is to raise it into a lifelong friend and companion who, when it's their turn, will make their own squirmy little things who turn into more lifelong friends and companions. The Circle of Life game is chock full of scary moments, resource management, tough decisions, and role-playing that never seems to end.
Ominous as this may sound, there are lots of ways raise a child, so winning the game isn't all that hard if you're committed to it. From the outset, you'll find that the most powerful arrow in your quiver is the simple love for your child that will give you the strength to get up and do what needs to be done. This simple love is as pure and sweet as anything you'll ever taste and makes the hard work of parenting a joy in its own right.
Still, I know what many of you are saying — "I'm not ready yet." You have careers to start, houses to buy, places to see, and other metaphorical mountains to climb before you're ready for kids. I suppose that, if what you want most out of life is success at work, material wealth and a portfolio of great experiences, you might be right.
On the other hand, if something inside you keeps bugging you to start a family, "waiting until you're ready" is nonsense. Kids don't keep you from climbing those mountains at all — they make the journey more interesting. Children see the world through eyes not yet tainted by life's experiences and their views are often amusing and always wise. Having children at your side lets you see the world through a child's eyes again as you work your way through the opportunities and challenges of adulthood. Their view is well worth the price.
Besides, the only way to get ready for kids is to have your first one show up. Trust that nature has already equipped you with the tools you need for continuation of the species — you'll know what to do when the kid gets here.
So, those of you out there sitting on the fence about a family might just want to spend a little time this holiday season imagining what life might be like if you let nature run its course. Don't just think about the challenges, think about the ways you can overcome them as humans have been doing forever and in far more difficult circumstances. More importantly, give some thought to the upside of having kids to raise and share your life with. As all us happy parents have been pointing out to you for years, it's a lot of fun and it lasts a lifetime. Don't miss out.
Throughout life, we face many big decisions. Whether it's what sports to play, our major in college, or who, if anyone, we want as a life partner, decision points keep coming at us.
Maybe the biggest choice of all, though, is whether to have kids. A hundred years ago, that decision was a lot easier since it was conflated with the question, "do you want to have sex?" Biological drives being what they are, that question was never hard to answer, and fertile couples pretty much always had kids. But, the invention of the pill 58 years ago finally broke that rule, allowing couples to enjoy the most extraordinary physical pleasures our bodies have to offer without having to simultaneously sign up for the responsibilities of childbearing.
And the world hasn't been the same since.
Maybe the most surprising change has been the relationship between wealth and childbearing. Until the pill gave women control of their bodies, wealthy societies had more children and poorer societies less. Today, that relationship has been turned upside down, where the affluent are less likely to have children at all and have fewer children if they do.
Consistent with these new rules for humankind, reports were circulating a few weeks ago about reduced childbirth rates in America and Colorado. This prompted several editorials in this paper that leaned rather heavily toward the positions that, in today's world, having kids is expensive, bad for the environment, and generally a pain in the butt that changes your lifestyle in ways you can't even imagine. As the father of two and grandfather of five, I can assure you that these propositions are, quite simply, true. As I've told many prospective parents, when your first child is born, one curtain drops on the life you once had and another curtain rises on the life that lies ahead.
But, you get what you pay for in life, and having children is no exception. I'll spare you all the fawning and dreamy-eyed pleadings about how great having kids is — I'm sure you've heard plenty of those stories whether you wanted them or not. I'm not saying all that stuff isn't true — it is. Raising kids is the ultimate adventure game. You start out with this squirmy little thing and your goal is to raise it into a lifelong friend and companion who, when it's their turn, will make their own squirmy little things who turn into more lifelong friends and companions. The Circle of Life game is chock full of scary moments, resource management, tough decisions, and role-playing that never seems to end.
Ominous as this may sound, there are lots of ways raise a child, so winning the game isn't all that hard if you're committed to it. From the outset, you'll find that the most powerful arrow in your quiver is the simple love for your child that will give you the strength to get up and do what needs to be done. This simple love is as pure and sweet as anything you'll ever taste and makes the hard work of parenting a joy in its own right.
Still, I know what many of you are saying — "I'm not ready yet." You have careers to start, houses to buy, places to see, and other metaphorical mountains to climb before you're ready for kids. I suppose that, if what you want most out of life is success at work, material wealth and a portfolio of great experiences, you might be right.
On the other hand, if something inside you keeps bugging you to start a family, "waiting until you're ready" is nonsense. Kids don't keep you from climbing those mountains at all — they make the journey more interesting. Children see the world through eyes not yet tainted by life's experiences and their views are often amusing and always wise. Having children at your side lets you see the world through a child's eyes again as you work your way through the opportunities and challenges of adulthood. Their view is well worth the price.
Besides, the only way to get ready for kids is to have your first one show up. Trust that nature has already equipped you with the tools you need for continuation of the species — you'll know what to do when the kid gets here.
So, those of you out there sitting on the fence about a family might just want to spend a little time this holiday season imagining what life might be like if you let nature run its course. Don't just think about the challenges, think about the ways you can overcome them as humans have been doing forever and in far more difficult circumstances. More importantly, give some thought to the upside of having kids to raise and share your life with. As all us happy parents have been pointing out to you for years, it's a lot of fun and it lasts a lifetime. Don't miss out.
